Remember when Trey parker and Matt stone went to the oscars in dresses and whenever anyone asked about it they would avoid the question with ‘it’s such a magical evening and everyone just looks so spectacular we’re glad to be a part of it all’ and they were on Acid the whole time.
sure, you save yourself with claws and a sharp tongue, but you god damn live again, you survive, with the softest, sweetest touches, and with good food and long runs in the afternoon that arent from anything at all, with big crystal cut glasses of wine and books that arc over years or poetry that brushes moments because they make the lives and realties of others less blurry and conceptual, and then they make you see the same in yourself. you cast spells into your meals or find a patron saint or marvel over the science of how small you are or you find faith only in the seasons, but hell that is still faith, and its still trust, and its still a way to survive.
and you learn to let someone put their teeth on your skin again, pin you to a wall or bed again, with absolutely no fear that they’re doing it to hurt you, only to give you pleasure. you trust your sense of time, your balance, your grace, your body to eat and sleep and you wash it and paint it and let it rest or whir a million times a minute. you go to the theater, buy copper pots, not bother getting the dirt from gardening out from under your nails. you clack down hallways in high heels. you find words for what happened or maybe you dont speak about it at all, because the only thing that says you dont have power over what happened is the sharp version of yourself with claws that claims it saved you
please remember it didnt save you because it was part of you
the girl in the garden at college sleeping in her bed with her hands dangling over the side unafraid who is just as much your invention and person, she saved you too
you saved you. you were never a monster you were never a goddess you were never a dog snarling or a virgin round with grace except when you needed to be and were so and you saved you as you, not as any of them, no matter how you inhabited them to do so, do you understand? you are not fiction or a archetype, you are human vast and surviving and organically growing
you own your life to yourself